Dirty or lived in?

With three kids, the word clean is a rarity, unless thats what your demanding one of them go do. "Go clean your room" is heard much more often than "Look honey, the house is clean!". I do my best to keep my house clean, and most of the time its not bad, maybe just an F1 or F2 tornado. Then there are days when it surpasses an F5, which makes you want to pick up the phone and call the National Weather Association and tell them you have proof of an F10 tornado, and its brothers.

So where do you draw the line between dirty and lived in? I consider my house lived in. The floor is vacuumed at least once a day, and I do sweep & mop and keep our counters wiped down. Did I mention I usually do this at about... oh... let's say 2:30a.m. Have you ever heard the saying, "Cleaning up while kids are still awake, is like shoveling snow while its still snowing". How true is that?!? Most of the time I have everything organized (ish), but sometimes I look at my house and think, honestly, that someone might think we were pigs.

Then I think of it this way, how many times have YOU, as a mother, went to someones house where kids were playing and thought, "Omg, this is nasty". Not often, because YOU as a mother, know exactly what your kids (hubbies included) can do to a house. I do get the urge sometimes (when asked how many kids I have) to say four! Thats how many people's clothes I wash, how many I cook dinner for and clean up after, and how many I have to remind not to put random things in their mouths! "Rileigh, don't jump on the bed", "Gavin, get out of the toilet", "Robert, stop chewing on the remote!"

So, on that last note, my life is very busy. I take care of 4 people, in one house. We laugh, we play, and sometimes, putting off the dishes to roll around on the floor with your kids, says much more about you, than a clean house. So if I have to ask myself this question again (which I will daily), I'll proudly say, while dodging a handful of Cheerios flying my way, LIVED IN!

Tubes... again?

So my sweet Logan is on his 4th ear infection in less than 5 months. They said if he gets 2 more before he turns one year old (looks promising, huh?) that he'd be referred for tubes. Right now he's on omnicef since he's been getting them back to back. I'm not sure if its doing anything? This is his 4th day on it and he's still pulling at his ear and not sleeping well.

He's just so little! I mean he's only been breathing for 5 month, how could someone put him to sleep? I know its better for him, because Gavin's made a world of difference. He went from failing his hearing test, to hearing and talking almost overnight, plus, no more ear infections. Which is definitely a plus!! So I know the routine and I know its not "that bad". But how can any mother seriously not worry and be perfectly fine when they walk off with her baby to put under anesthesia.

I know I'm sorta jumping the gun here, but the odds of him having 2 more infections before his first birthday, well... they aren't in our favor. So, here's to hoping that we have no more infections and we won't have to go through all that again.

Just Mommy

Earlier today, after Logan finished nursing, he laid in my arms and just stared at me. He raised his little hand and kept laying it on my face with the most serious expression! When I smiled, he just stared and didn't smile back. It occurred to me then, he was intently studying my features, memorizing them. Of course, my mind that never stops, started thinking of a lot of things at once.

Usually, when someone stares you down, you feel uncomfortable and start wondering which imperfections they're focusing on. Logan doesn't see my imperfections. He doesn't notice if my hair wasn't brushed, or if I had a pimple or two somewhere, all he saw was mommy. The one who feeds him, changes him, cuddles, hugs, and kisses him. When he cries, I fix it, when he's sick, I make him feel better. If he's cold, I make him warm, whenever he needs me, I'm there. He studied me with heartwarming adoration, for the person who makes him happy. It was such an amazing bonding moment, and I just looked back at him until he started to doze off in my arms.

One day, I won't be the only women he looks at with adoration. Honestly, I don't know how I'm gonna let any of my babies go when its time, but for now, I don't have to think about it. No matter what everyone else sees when they look at me, imperfections and all; to my sweet babies, I'm mommy. There has never been anything more amazing than being "just mommy", with all the ups and downs that come with it.

I think I can...

I think I can, I think I can. I have the world's worst motivation, seriously. I want to lose weight and tone up, but I usually only make it half the day. I love coca cola way too much, and I know thats definitely one of my downfalls. Along with the chocolate, potatoes and starches I love, McDonald's... Okay, I know, I know, just a state of mind. But when you're able to eat whatever you want, whenever you want and never gain an ounce, well, you have a hard time adjusting to the difficulty of watching what you eat! That was before I had kids and I balanced at 125-130 pounds. Now, I'm between 150-155, and I'm not happy with that. I'm short and all the weight just seems to be filling up my love handles.

So, I started today, and I'm going to do this! I have to keep repeating this to myself, over and over and over. I had Special K cereal for breakfast, I haven't had a soda and I did 100 crunches and 50 push ups this morning. Its hard to get out of the house for cardio, so I intend to dance in the mornings with the kids like a mad women. I want to lose at least 25 lbs, and I really hope I can do this. I'm going to start going to the tanning bed, to help clear up my psoriasis the rest of the way. I may do this at night when my hubby gets home. I had gestational diabetes with Gavin, and it was diet controlled. That diet was magnificent, and I dropped 6 lbs the first week just from cutting out cokes and sweets, and I was pregnant! The dr. was okay with it because I was eating healthy and thats usually what happens when you go on that diet. I want to do it again, but I don't feel the motherly instinct need to. Logan's out of my belly, why should I restrict my eating like that? Well, dern it, FOR ME!!

So, be prepared to follow me on my weight loss journey! I may have crabby days when I think of a Krystal's chocolate Milkquake, but I need all the support I can get. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....